This recently-erected statue commissioned by the LaSalle-Émard Liberal Constituency Association in suburban Montreal pays tribute to the Dear Leader's glorious triumph over the forces of the Chrétienites.

Less than two weeks away from his coronation, uhm, election as leader of the Liberal Party of Canada, Paul Martin issued a bizarre edict to Canadians today, urging them to stop donating their hard-earned dollars to his leadership campaign.

At a "campaign" stop in Edmonton last night, Martin made his dramatic plea: "I can’t be more clear about this, people. Please stop sending me checks. For the love of God, give your money to something worthwhile, like homeless shelters, or food banks - who, after all, are really going to need even more support once I’m in charge.

"I don’t need it; I don’t want it. It’s just a headache dealing with all that pin money," continued the leader-in-waiting, a man of considerable personal wealth.

"People come up to me at rubber chicken dinners and literally throw money at me. Why, I never even knew that we had a five-dollar bill in Canada until someone handed me one the other day to ‘help me out.’ Gee, thanks."

Forget about the starving orphans in Liberia, we better send another check to Paul Martin, just in case Sheila makes a late charge.

Retired auto worker and Paul Martin supporter Charles MacGuiliny of Oshawa discusses charitbale donations with his wife Helen.

Reports earlier this week indicated that Prime Minister Martin’s leadership ‘war chest’ has gone over 10 million dollars. This is a figure $9,999,968 higher than the $32 dollars that Martin’s leadership rival Sheila Copps has collected for her leadership bid to this point.

"We’ve almost rounded up enough cash to buy some Pepsi and party streamers for the (leadership) convention," beamed a proud Gar Kickedhard, director of the Copps campaign. "We’re gaining momentum."

Martin campaign spokesperson Johnny Itsinthebag echoed his boss’s demand that Canadians stop sending donations to the Martin campaign forthwith.

READY TO BE HANDED OUT TO DELEGATES: To save time (and pencil expenses), the Liberal Party has already printed ready-made ballots for its leadership convention November 15-16 in Toronto.

"Look, I don’t know how we can make this any more obvious: Paul Martin is going to win. Capiche? We’ve already got the Prime Ministerial letterhead ready for him. As sure as the Red Sox and Cubs will choke in the playoffs, Paul Martin will win the leadership of the Liberal Party next month. I know I’m going out on a limb here, but I stand by my prediction," he insisted.

Professor Bertha Willowdown of the Bertha Willowdown Correspondence College of Metaphysics and Political Thought in Come-by-Chance, Newfoundland, concurred that Martin really doesn’t need the money anymore: "I realize why a corporation might make a donation to Mr. Martin out of AHEM...the goodness of their heart, but 10 million smackers just to pay advisors and strategists and other hangers-on that are just...hanging on? I mean, what kind of strategy could Paul Martin possibly need at this point in the game?

"Yes, Mr. Martin sir, remain upright and conscious for the next two weeks and you’re going to win.....Ah, even if you don’t, you’re still going to win."