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If There's One Thing I Can Do, It's Take Your Shit


 
Sheila Copps Appointed Tim Horton Chair of Canadian Studies at University of Smiths Falls

VERBATIM: the transcript of Paul Martin's Meeting with President Bush

VERBATIM: the transcript of Paul Martin's Meeting with President Bush While the conversation between the two world leaders was supposed to be off the record, a reporter from the Renfrew Weekly Bugle was given access to the two world leaders
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Dave McGraw Interviews Stephen Harper

Dave McGraw Interviews Stephen Harper A year ago at this time, the very idea would have been laughable. But as a federal election lurks, the newly unified, harmonized Conservative Party is looking to make big gains, possibly even taking over as the next government of our great country.
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Alanis Regales Dalai Lama, Followers, With Rousing Rendition of "Too Hot to Hold"

Pop superstar Alanis Morrissette wowed the Dalai Lama and a crowd of 9,000 fans at the Ottawa Civic Centre last week with her 1991 hit single Too Hot to Hold. "I draw inspiration in all of my work from your stoic resolve," gushed Alanis to the exiled Tibetan spiritual leader, before bringing the house down with a medley that melded Too Hot with her dance club smash Feel Your Love, bellowing "give it to me like I'd like to give it to you" at the top of her lungs to his Holiness as he watched with bemusement and the crowd chanted along.

Responded the Dalai Lama, to a wave of applause: "As says Alanis, "you gotta go for gold.""


The Wacko Alliance Unites Just in Time for the 1926 Election
"Gotta Beat Those Damn Whigs"

The Wacko Alliance Unites Just in Time for the 1926 Election
A historic unification of several less-than-mainstream political movements into one new 'Wacko Alliance' was announced today by representatives from the movement. After 31 years of negotiations in Hay River, Northwest Territories, the leaders of eight different 'fringe' parties made the declaration today in a joint statement.
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Man Who Gave Up Everything to Live Off the Land: "Living Off the Land Sucks."

Man Who Gave Up Everything to Live Off the Land: "Living Off the Land Sucks." Jerry Higgenbottom thought he had it all. A townhouse in the suburbs. A good job. On the waiting list of a moderately expensive golf course. Late model Pontiac in the driveway. But there was something... missing in his life.
"Once I turned 30, I felt as though I had come to a crossroads," admitted Higgenbottom. "I wasn't happy with where I was. I needed a new direction."
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Friendship Upgraded to Dump-Taking at Each Other's Place Level

The bond between University of Lethbridge third-year students Derek Hossenpfeffer and Joey Evington was inadvertently strengthened when Hossenpfeffer took a dump at his friend's apartment earlier this week. "I said to him, "dude, did you like drop off the kids at the pool? It totally stinks in here,"" recounted Evington, "and he was like, "uh , yeah. I really had to, man. It was those microwave burritos.""

Hossenpfeffer, a third year biology student, explained his decision to move his bowels at his friend's apartment. "You know, Joey and I have been buddies for a couple of years now, but I really think our friendship has reached a new plateau-when you feel comfortable enough to take a dump at your friend's place, you know that you're pretty tight. I don't have too many friends where I'd feel secure enough to take a dump at their place."

Evington has no immediate plans to take a dump at his friend Derek's place, but said he foresees it happening in the near future.




Happy Leafs Elimination Day, Canada!




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Great cover band in Ottawa - The Start!