If There's One Thing I Can Do, It's Take Your Shit

My Dad was a throwback. He was tough. Tough as whalebone. A war vet. A hard man. A man's man. Drank like a fish all his life, ate fatty foods every day, but there wasn't an ounce of fat on him. To summarize, a very different man than myself. I remember when I was a little boy, my father, may his soul rest in peace, would always say to me, "son, don't ever take no shit from no one."

Although he never gave me a more thorough explanation of said phrase, as he wasn't much of a talker, what I deduced from this advice was that it's important to stand up for yourself. Otherwise, one may obtain a reputation as a 'shit-taker,' and one would be opening one's self to being taking advantage of in the future from various and sundry 'shit-givers.' Nobody wants that, right?

The problem is, if you follow that advice, you're asking for a lot of conflict in your life. Fighting back against unjust treatment is very stressful. It gives me heart palpitations. It makes my chest all tight. No, I learned at a young age, it's a lot easier to just sit back with a grin and take shit like a good sport. Learning this in my youth has saved me from a lot of unnecessary anguish in my adult years. For me, it's nothing more than water, (or, in my case, abuse) off a duck's back.

Ever hear somebody yell, "I'm sick of your shit!" at an individual who's infuriating or frustrating them? You'll never hear me say that. As much as it might disappoint my dearly departed Dad to hear this, you could say that I've developed into one hell of a shit taker. If there's shit that you have to dispense, I'm your guy. You can yell at me for hours on end, and I'll just sit there and take it like a chump. Hell, you can even rough me up a bit too, if it'll make you feel better. As long as you don't break any bones or anything. That's going a little too far. Then, I might ask you to stop. Or at least ease up.

When taking shit, I try to make a game of it. I try to guess what will be the next thing yelled at me. Will it be "Jesus Christ, you're an idiot-I'm gonna kick your ass," or, "your property taxes are being raised 130 per cent, and there's nothing you can do about it," or maybe something like "it's your fault the Canucks lost?" You'd be amazed how often I'm right. It makes taking your shit even more fun.

I love your shit.

At work, it's always me who takes the blame when something goes awry, even if I have nothing to do with it. But that's not really a bad thing, once you get used to it. Really, I fulfill a role-like that Emmanuel Goldstein character in that 1984 book. I think it's the only thing that's saved me from being downsized.

I've even set up a little shit-taking business from my house on the side. Any shit that people wanna get off their chest, they just give me a call, yell it out at me, and hang up. From what they tell me, it's very cathartic. I'm proud that I can provide this service for the community. I'm making a difference.

Reasonable rates. Give me a call. I look forward to taking your shit.