The new symbol of excellence in Canadian wackoism.

A historic unification of several less-than-mainstream political movements into one new 'Wacko Alliance' was announced today by representatives from the movement. After 31 years of negotiations in Hay River, Northwest Territories, the leaders of eight different 'fringe' parties made the declaration today in a joint statement.

The uniting of the wackos represents the historic coming together of what were eight distinct political parties: The Drinking in Public Party, The Progressive Apathy Party, The Talking Out of Our Ass Front, The Bring Back Bearbaiting Party, The Missing the Point Party, The Our Electoral System is Great Party, The Shut Up and Listen to What's Good for You Party and The We Bet All of Our Money on Sheila Copps Winning Party.

"Finally. Wacko unity has been attained. This is a day of significance in the annals of Canadian politics. All hail Rex Murphy, our saviour and spiritual guide," said Dmitry Nobbler, Co-Chair of the Wacko Unity Council and Leader of the Shut Up and Listen to What's Good for You Party.

With the Prime Minister expected to call an election sometime within the next millennium, the decision to unite the wackos couldn't come at a better time, as it ends wacko vote-splitting, said key Wacko leaders.

"The division of the wacko vote among nine different parties greatly impacted the ability of any of these parties sending a Member to the House of Commons," exclaimed Nobbler. "Now we can run one candidate in all 310 ridings this upcoming election, unified as one wacko front. And we will lose all of those ridings. But we'll still get interviewed on TV-probably at the end of newscast, in sort of a hey, 'let's laugh at these guys' sort of way. Sort of like the Bloc Québécois candidate in Westmount."

"Last election, if you combined the total vote of each of the eight parties involved in the merger, you would have 0.00025 per cent of the popular vote for Canada. These are numbers comparable with the NDP in Alberta," added Nobbler.

But why now? What precipitated this historic merger? Was it the uniting of the right? All the strife in Norway? Condoleeza Rice's testimony?

"What really brought us together was the staggering cost of bread in Peru…that, and our deep appreciation for the writings of Peter Mansbridge in Maclean's Magazine," said Missing the Point Party Leader Myles Gurnkey, a box covering his head as he made his statement in a field of wild bison somewhere in rural Nova Scotia. "Damn I'm so happy I took my car to Canadian Tire to get it fixed."

"This is a historic day in Canadian politics," said Siobhan O'Reardon, Leader of the Bring Back Bearbaiting Party, and a key broker of the merger. "I have not been so happy since the release of each season of the Littlest Hobo on 8-track. Excuse me while I vomit with pleasure."

As for a new leader, he or she will be chosen at the Wacko Alliance's leadership convention, scheduled for July 2137, in Krakow, Poland.

NOT WITHOUT CONTROVERSY:
You thought bringing together two political parties was tough? Try eight. While eight members signed on to unify, one notable member of the loosely-formed Wacko Unity Council refused to sign the accord bringing the parties together as one, preferring to continue going it alone.

NOT involved in the merger. Splitter.

The Joe Clark Experience, a one-man party led by the Right Honourable Joe Clark, couldn't commit himself or his party to the Alliance, as it "failed to reflect the inclusiveness that has long been a hallmark of Canadian wackoism," said Clark, in a prepared statement. "I will work for anyone's campaign who asks me, however. There are some very strong candidates in the Wacko movement that I will continue to support.

"My number's in the phone book."

Even without the support of one key member of the movement, the newly-unified wacko alliance has vowed to go ahead and fight into the next election undeterred.

Said Gurnkey: "it is imperative that we wackos be united. Otherwise, who will represent our interests in Parliament?"