HAMILTON: New pop sensation and multiple Juno award winner Nelly Furtado
was "absolutely clueless" as to what Bruce Cockburn, the
most recent inductee to the Canadian Music Hall of Fame, was talking
about during his 26 minute acceptance speech at the Juno awards ceremony,
held on March 4.
MONTREAL: With Hall of Famer Bernard "Boom Boom" Geoffreon
recently auctioning off personal effects from his days with the Montreal
Canadiens for his grandchildrens' education, and former Montreal
superstar Guy Lafleur pondering the same, Montreal Canadiens President
Pierre Boivin announced at a press conference today that the Montreal
Canadiens will be auctioning off their 1916 Stanley Cup championship
in exchange for a birth as the 8th seed in this season's playoffs.
OTTAWA: Amidst fallout from his involvement in
the infamous and mysterious spy hiring incident to dig up dirt
on the Prime Minister, Canadian Alliance MP Darrell Stinson (Okanagan-Shuwsap,
B.C.) has revealed that he will be leaving the House of Commons by
the end of the year to return to his first love: bear wrestling.
TORONTO: Toronto writer and film maker Duncan Timothies-Herald expressed
outrage today at his inability to receive service in Swedish, "the
language of the great Bergman himself," at an Etobicoke outlet
of the Swedish-based home furnishing conglomerate located in 32
countries around the world and best known for its cheap yet trendy
with Tennis Elbow Jones
OAKVILLE: Speaking outside his suburban Toronto
residence sporting an impeccably tailored Versace suit with coordinated
Gucci loafers, Canadian rap pioneer Maestro Fresh Wes, who now insists
on being called by his real name, Wesley Williams, announced his retirement
from the music industry.
New Quebec Premier Bernard Landry has unveiled the key element
of developing winning conditions for the inevitable next referendum
on Quebec's status within the Canadian federation.
McMurdo, a regular at Kelowna's Duffy's Tavern for 25 years, promised
himself to cut back on his drinking since being told recently by
his physician that his liver resembled a "baboon's posterior."
by a Mysterious Man in line with you at the Bus Ticket Window
Liberal backbencher Tom Wappel has come under fire for his refusal
to assist a man who lay dying on an Ottawa street corner after being
by Franklin McWhittle
38 year-old Hal "Chippy" Chippleton, a 13-year veteran
of the Canadian golf Tour, purchased a super size meal at a Vancouver
area Wendy's franchise yesterday.
by Tennis Elbow Jones
Citing a sharp drop in sales in recent years and an ultra-competitive
snack food market, Hostess Frito-Lay Canada CEO Myles Pickwick announced
yesterday that as of next month, every bag of Cracker Jack-the caramel
corn peanut and molasses snack treat enjoyed by consumers around
the world since 1896-will contain a valid province of Ontario driver's
Check out this week's cartoon
24 year old unemployed Hamilton resident Troy Donnatello is confident
that his landing of the high profile 2 to 4 AM Tuesday morning shift
on MacMaster University campus radio station CFMU is a stepping
stone to "some serious fucking shit, man."
On a highly anticipated year-end field trip to
the Montreal region, members of the Grade 8 French Immersion Program
from Wayne and Shuster Middle School in Toronto reported a great deal
of difficulty in communicating.
An exhaustive 11-year, $40 Million study of Canada's federal prison inmate population conducted by Corrections Canada has revealed that Canada's federal inmates are overwhelmingly depressed and negative in their outlook towards life.
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