Canadian Humour, Satirical News and Hard-Hitting News.
Bringing you the best Canadian satire since 2001.
Advertise with TheHammer.ca for as low as $15 per month

Canadian Satire, Humour and Hard-Hitting News View theHammer.ca Headline Feed The Hammer PodCast - Great Canadian Satire and Conversations with the creator's of TheHammer.ca, Trevor and David The Hammer PodCast - Great Canadian Satire and Conversations with the creator's of TheHammer.ca, Trevor and David

The Archives of July, 2001

July 13th, 2001
The Glebite - Religion
The Glebite - Religion

by Franklin McWhittle

July 13th, 2001
Statistics Canada Announces Annual List of the Top Five Pseudo-Intellectual Expressions in Canada -- Machiavellian tops again
Statistics Canada Announces Annual List of the Top Five Pseudo-Intellectual Expressions in Canada -- Machiavellian tops again

For the third consecutive year, 'Machiavellian' has maintained its position atop Statistics Canada's annual compendium of the five most overused terms in the country by people trying to sound more intelligent than they actually are.

July 13th, 2001
Author Mortimer Richter Hoping Richler's Passing Will Lead to an Increase in his Sales
Author Mortimer Richter Hoping Richler's Passing Will Lead to an Increase in his Sales

Upon the death of Canadian literary icon and world renowned writer Mordecai Richler on July 3, lesser known Canadian novelist Mortimer Richter is predicting an increase in both interest and sales of his books.

July 13th, 2001
Nanaimo Announces Plans to Build World's Largest Bong
Nanaimo Announces Plans to Build World's Largest Bong

With the logging industry sluggish and visits from tourists to this city of 60 000 on the East coast of Vancouver Island at an all time low, Nanaimo Mayor Leonard Littleton has announced the largest public works project in the city's history. As a monument to the incredibly high tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) level of British Columbia marijuana and in an effort to bolster tourism, the city plans to build a 150-foot high bong on the Nanaimo waterfront.

July 13th, 2001
A Word from our Labrador City Bureau Chief
A Word from our Labrador City Bureau ChiefCTV's Goose Bay office is calling me repeatedly...
July 13th, 2001
The Hammer Cartoon - Such an Easy Target
The Hammer Cartoon - Such an Easy TargetCheck out this week's cartoon
July 13th, 2001
All Ages Concert Reviews
All Ages Concert Reviews

by Jessica Labelle

July 13th, 2001
Latest Poll Results: Canadian Alliance soars past Marxist-Leninist, Natural Law Party
Latest Poll Results: Canadian Alliance soars past Marxist-Leninist, Natural Law Party

After months of electoral disappointment, vicious infighting and mass defections from its caucus, the results of the most recent Hammer/Kapuskasing Kourier/Lloydminster Community Acccess Television poll provide the Canadian Alliance with a bit of good news. The Alliance has moved up four percentage points over previous poll results to four per cent of all decided Canadian voters, surging ahead of the Marxist-Leninist Party and in a dead heat with the Christian Heritage Party.

July 13th, 2001
Ottawa to Get Yet Another Bush League Team No One Will Care About
Ottawa to Get Yet Another Bush League Team No One Will Care About

The city of Ottawa will be getting another sports team destined to play in front of empty seats during its short life span, with the National Croquinole League's announcement that it has awarded a franchise to Ottawa.

July 27th, 2001
Alexei Yashin Signs Lucrative New Contract, Immediately Makes Plans for Next Holdout
Alexei Yashin Signs Lucrative New Contract, Immediately Makes Plans for Next Holdout

27-year-old New York Islanders centre Alexei Yashin, one of the National Hockey League's premier talents, has announced plans for his next contract holdout.

July 27th, 2001
Tuba Talk
Tuba Talk Vincent Dugal of Ste-Jovite, Quebec takes issue with last week's column, in which I categorically stated that Ingvar Hallerstahl is the greatest tubist of the second half of the twentieth century. Writes Mr. Dugal:

July 27th, 2001
The Glebite - Getting to Work
The Glebite - Getting to Work

by Franklin McWhittle

July 27th, 2001
Halifax Man Has Third Testicular Exam of the Week
Halifax Man Has Third Testicular Exam of the Week

As a means of protecting himself against testicular cancer, 21-year-old Halifax resident Jeremy Lafarge has been undergoing rigorous testicle examinations three to four times a week.

July 27th, 2001
There is only one way to Skin a Cat
There is only one way to Skin a Cat

In all my travels across the countryside, I often hear people say, "there's more than one way to skin a cat." Well sir, I have heard this saying used long enough that I feel that it must be said: There is only one way to skin a cat.

July 27th, 2001
Toronto's 'Little Liechtenstein' is Bigger than Actual Liechtenstein
Toronto's 'Little Liechtenstein' is Bigger than Actual Liechtensteinp>Recently released population figures indicate that Toronto's Little Liechtenstein district has more residents than the diminutive mountain principality of Liechtenstein itself, according to the City of Toronto, the most multi-cultural city in the world.

July 27th, 2001
The Hammer Cartoon - Ham is Good
The Hammer Cartoon - Ham is GoodCheck out this week's Hammer Cartoon...
July 27th, 2001
A Hammer Special Report: CPAC Watched
A Hammer Special Report: CPAC Watched

When the news reached staff at the channel that quenches Canadians' thirst for programming such as live feeds from the House of Commons, even when in recess, and unmediated coverage of scintillating Parliamentary Committee hearings, programming was immediately interrupted.

July 27th, 2001
Blink 182 Despondent Over New Album's Poor Review in North Bay Nugget
Blink 182 Despondent Over New Album's Poor Review in North Bay Nugget

San Diego based pop-punk band Blink 182 are said to be overcome with grief after the North Bay Nugget gave their new album a mere two stars out of the maximum five.


The world's largest online marketplace for books
 

 

The Hammer - Canadian Satirical News, Stories and Hard-Hitting Headlines
©2004 Cancon10 Inc. [ Disclaimer and Privacy Notice ]
Content on this site is satirical and intended for mature audiences.