The Archives of July, 2001

by Franklin McWhittle

For the third consecutive year, 'Machiavellian' has maintained its position atop Statistics Canada's annual compendium of the five most overused terms in the country by people trying to sound more intelligent than they actually are.

Upon the death of Canadian literary icon and world renowned writer Mordecai Richler on July 3, lesser known Canadian novelist Mortimer Richter is predicting an increase in both interest and sales of his books.

With the logging industry sluggish and visits from tourists to this city of 60 000 on the East coast of Vancouver Island at an all time low, Nanaimo Mayor Leonard Littleton has announced the largest public works project in the city's history. As a monument to the incredibly high tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) level of British Columbia marijuana and in an effort to bolster tourism, the city plans to build a 150-foot high bong on the Nanaimo waterfront.

by Jessica Labelle

After months of electoral disappointment, vicious infighting and mass defections from its caucus, the results of the most recent Hammer/Kapuskasing Kourier/Lloydminster Community Acccess Television poll provide the Canadian Alliance with a bit of good news. The Alliance has moved up four percentage points over previous poll results to four per cent of all decided Canadian voters, surging ahead of the Marxist-Leninist Party and in a dead heat with the Christian Heritage Party.

The city of Ottawa will be getting another sports team destined to play in front of empty seats during its short life span, with the National Croquinole League's announcement that it has awarded a franchise to Ottawa.

27-year-old New York Islanders centre Alexei Yashin, one of the National Hockey League's premier talents, has announced plans for his next contract holdout.

by Franklin McWhittle

As a means of protecting himself against testicular cancer, 21-year-old Halifax resident Jeremy Lafarge has been undergoing rigorous testicle examinations three to four times a week.

In all my travels across the countryside, I often hear people say, "there's more than one way to skin a cat." Well sir, I have heard this saying used long enough that I feel that it must be said: There is only one way to skin a cat.

When the news reached staff at the channel that quenches Canadians' thirst for programming such as live feeds from the House of Commons, even when in recess, and unmediated coverage of scintillating Parliamentary Committee hearings, programming was immediately interrupted.

San Diego based pop-punk band Blink 182 are said to be overcome with grief after the North Bay Nugget gave their new album a mere two stars out of the maximum five.