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The Archives of August, 2001

August 10th, 2001
There Isn't Much Demand for The Pursuit of Happiness Tribute Bands These Days
There Isn't Much Demand for The Pursuit of Happiness Tribute Bands These Days

by Kevin Rochester

August 10th, 2001
The Glebite - I'm a Man
The Glebite - I'm a Man

by Franklin McWhittle

August 10th, 2001
The Malls of Quebec City Sure Are Terrific!
The Malls of Quebec City Sure Are Terrific!

What a vacation! Wow, everything people have told me about Quebec City is true! What a simply beautiful city! Quebec City has some of the most beautiful shopping malls that I've ever visited!

August 10th, 2001
Ottawa Citizen Editor Need New asfergb w276gxe
Ottawa Citizen Editor Need New asfergb w276gxe

Ottawa Citizen, largest paper cumming out of otawa, editor need new. Editor Need New! Front page top story in Citizen today reports on serch for this person. Real big head +lin,e. Requirements for the position for the position includess basic knolwedge of English gramatical structure and syntax, as well as, familiarity with, proper, usage, of commas and how to write for real big newspapers;

August 10th, 2001
Naked Man Unable to Find Work
Naked Man Unable to Find Work

30-year old naked man James Bretton of Montreal has been combing through want ads and pounding the pavement since graduating from a computer programming course at a private business college in the spring.

August 10th, 2001
Manitoba Legislator Responsible for Hate Crimes Legislation Desperately Waiting for Hate Crime to Occur
Manitoba Legislator Responsible for Hate Crimes Legislation Desperately Waiting for Hate Crime to Occur

Howard Heating, Manitoba NDP Member of the Legislative Assembly for the Winnipeg riding of Bachmann, is anxiously waiting for "any sort of hate crime" to occur in Manitoba. Heating, the architect of Bill 66, Manitoba's sweeping hate crime legislation, admitted his impatience with the lack of hate crimes occurring in the province of 1.1 million in a recent interview.

August 10th, 2001
The Hammer Cartoon - From our Russian Edition
The Hammer Cartoon - From our Russian Edition
August 10th, 2001
Chinese Government Announces Moratorium on Jaywalking Executions During 2008 Olympics
Chinese Government Announces Moratorium on Jaywalking Executions During 2008 Olympics

One month after being named the host of the 2008 Summer Olympics, the Government of China has announced a ban on all executions for jaywalking and jaywalking-related offences for the duration of the Beijing Games.

August 10th, 2001
Cool, Chilly Day We Had a Couple of Months Back Convinces President Bush that Global Warmin' is Nothing but a Hoax
Cool, Chilly Day We Had a Couple of Months Back Convinces President Bush that Global Warmin' is Nothing but a Hoax

Facing world-wide condemnation for pulling the United States out of the Kyoto Accord on Climate Change, for his desire to drill for oil in the environmentally sensitive Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska, as well as for his administration's perceived lack of concern for environmental issues in general, U. S. President George W. Bush interrupted his nine week vacation to offer conclusive evidence that "this whole global warmin' thing" is nothing more than a "load of malarkey" during an environmental media briefing from his 400,000 acre ranch in Austin, Texas.

August 24th, 2001
Canadian Satirical and Comedy Writers Mobilize; Beg Stockwell Day to Remain in Politics
Canadian Satirical and Comedy Writers Mobilize; Beg Stockwell Day to Remain in Politics

A coalition of Canada's satirical and comedy writers representing a wide range of interests, from The Royal Canadian Air Farce to Frank Magazine, have united to make a plea to embattled Canadian Alliance Leader Stockwell Day to remain in national politics.

August 24th, 2001
I'm Really Autistic
I'm Really Autistic

by Timmy Wilmington

August 24th, 2001
Poster Removed from Telephone Pole; Order Restored to Society
Poster Removed from Telephone Pole; Order Restored to Society

A poster has been removed from an Ottawa telephone poll, restoring order to the streets of the nation's capital and the rest of the nation.

August 24th, 2001
Nike to Sponsor Latest Round of Middle East Peace Talks
Nike to Sponsor Latest Round of Middle East Peace Talks

As the Palestinian Intifada rages on amidst an orgy of carnage with no apparent end in sight, athletic apparel giant Nike has stepped in to do its part. The company has announced that it will be the title sponsor of the newest round of peace talks between representatives from the Israeli government and the Palestinian Liberation Organization (P.L.O.).

August 24th, 2001
The Hammer Cartoon - The Stuggle Continues
The Hammer Cartoon - The Stuggle Continues

Check out this week's cartoon

August 24th, 2001
The Glebite - EXcuse me
The Glebite - EXcuse me

by Franklin McWhittle

August 24th, 2001
Ellesmere Island Rocked by Powerful Earthquake
Ellesmere Island Rocked by Powerful Earthquake

Ellesmere Island, the northernmost land mass in Canada, has been hit by the strongest earthquake ever measured in the history of the world, causing an estimated 200 dollars in damage and rendering at least seven lemmings homeless.

August 24th, 2001
Drink Like a Man
Drink Like a Man

by Ed

August 24th, 2001
Canadian Track Athlete Nearing Completion of World Championship 10,000 Meter Race
Canadian Track Athlete Nearing Completion of World Championship 10,000 Meter Race

Canadian long-distance runner Dmitri Jackson has crossed the 9,000 meter barrier and is down the homestretch in his efforts to complete the 10,000-meter race for the World Track and Field Championships in Edmonton, which officially ended two weeks ago.


 

 
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