The Archives of October, 2004

Smirk, blink, wince. Smirk, blink, wince. Smirk, blink, wince. How dare he criticize the commander-in-chief. He looks orange, like a Mexican.

So, here I am - the Member of Parliament in the House of Commons for...well...somewhere north of Toronto. Now that I've finally arrived, I feel totally honoured to be here. But it hasn't been all easy.

With the great unwashed desperately concerned about the absence of NHL hockey here in our country this fall, he went straight to the source for some answers. He flew to New York City earlier this week for an exclusive, one-on-one interview with Gary Bettman, Commissioner of the National Hockey League, to find out for Canadians when the dispute that has sidelined the "Coolest Game on Ice" might come to an end.

Gas prices getting you down?

Jeremy Illiac, one of the premier slam poets in the greater Cornwall area, has been promoted to head greeter at the Walmart store where he has worked for seven years.

"Well I'm a happy wage slave, just working for the man, going to save up all my money, go to Florida, get a tan..."

Noted Belgiophile and leader of the opposition Stephen Harper answered reporter's questions in Flemish during a scrum earlier today.

"Just another friendly reminder, I am not George W. Bush."

Just days before Americans go to the polls, the U.S. presidential election received a major shake-up today when God - the big guy in the sky - officially endorsed George W. Bush for president.