Friends, Family Fear Maestro Fresh Wes has Financial Planner Syndrome
OAKVILLE: Speaking outside his suburban Toronto
residence sporting an impeccably tailored Versace suit with coordinated
Gucci loafers, Canadian rap pioneer Maestro Fresh Wes, who now insists
on being called by his real name, Wesley Williams, announced his retirement
from the music industry.
I have accomplished everything that I can within rap, and
I feel that it is now time for me to diversify, and to work towards
the achievement of your financial goals, said the former rap
star, best known for his 1991 album Symphony in Effect, which
featured the smash hit, Let your backbone slide.
After insisting he no longer be referred to as Maestro
Fresh Wes, Williams boldly declared, the world of mutual funds
and creative sheltering of my clients incomes to minimize
tax payment and maximize equity and wealth creation is what excites
| The years
have not been kind:
Fresh Wes, pre-FPS era, (left) and in 2001
Williamss stunning announcement added further fuel to concerns
expressed by family and friends that he might be suffering from
Financial Planner Syndrome (FPS). The little known condition, which
affects an estimated 20,000 Canadians, begins to show itself with
symptoms such as the development of an appreciation for talk radio,
a rabid appetite for tax cuts, a fondness for the Eagles, and a
sudden interest in reading the National Post.
Weve been noticing a change in Wes over the past few
months, said Toronto performer and long time friend Michie-Mee.
For example, I remember a couple of months ago, I was organizing
a benefit concert for homelesness, and I asked Maestro if he wanted
to do a set.
It was Williams response that raised Ms. Mees eyebrows
and caused her to go public with her concerns: He muttered
this really sort of vague excuse about having a huge backlog of
tax returns to prepare and that people are homeless because its
their own damn fault, said Ms. Mee. I didnt press
him on it, because it was pretty obvious that he wasnt interested,
but I was sure that Wes didnt have any background in that
sorta stuff like doing peoples taxes, nor has he ever had
any interest in it.
Noted rap performer Choclair, another close friend and confidant
of Maestro, made a desperate plea to his wayward friend: Wes,
everyone but yourself knows youre sick. You need help.
He cited the example of Williams little known album titled Bull
Market that was released to little fanfare just months ago.
Give me a break man, the same guy who did Drop the Needle
puts out an album thats got crap tracks like Mr. Greenspan,
lower the fed, Get yo act together Mister Bank of Canada Governor
and Flatten my Tax Bracket?
The exasperated and bewildered rap star added, and these
are the singles. The filler tracks get much, much worse.
Reached by telephone, Vancouver doctor Myles Pickwick, a world
renowned specialist in the diagnosis and treatment of FPS, was almost
certain that Williams has the disease, pointing out Wes's sudden
development of a fondness for such undenibaly shitty music
is enough to convince him that he has FPS.
My greatest concern is that if this gentleman does not get
medical help he so greatly needs in the immediate future, he could
be doing adult contemporary ballads, poorly produced get rich quick
infomercials for late night television or even find himself as a
Canadian Alliance candidate somewhere in the next six months.
While FPS has no cure, repetetive listening to Public Enemys
It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold us Back or forced readings
of the collected works of dissident academic Noam Chomsky have proven
effective in controlling the disease.
The man formerly known as Maestro refused to answer any questions
regarding FPS, abruptly concluding the impromptu press conference
when he received a call from a valued client unsure about
is RRSP maximum contribution.
Posted on June 15th, 2001