Despite being outmanned, an infantry of "embedded" journalists used superior tactical ability and guerilla interviewing techniques to take the Iraqi town of Nasiryah in a battle earlier today.

Led by Brigadier General Christiane Amanpour of CNN, The U.S. Special 4th Media Infantry were praised for their determined and courageous fighting by General Tommy Franks, the commander of 'Operation Iraqi Freedom.'

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A Nova Scotia man was able to hold out for seven minutes, 28 seconds before he realized a boycott of American goods and cultural products was "absolutely freakin' impossible."

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In response to heated Question Period drilling from the Official Opposition condemning Canada's refusal to participate in the War on Iraq, Prime Minister Jean Chrétien dropped a bombshell on the House of Commons when he claimed that Canada is an "independent" country.

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Baghdad was the recipient of democracy raids once again last evening.

Coalition B-1 democracy deploying aircraft hit several targets of strategic importance in Iraq's capital city, according to a coalition spokesperson.

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Anchorperson Peter Mansbridge "snapped" on air late last week.

After manning CBC television's war on Iraq coverage desk for 91 hours straight, the celebrated newscaster dozed off while listening to war analysis from military historian Gwynne Dyer. When awakened, an irritated Mansbridge, sporting eight o'clock shadow and Samsonite luggage under his eyes, began angrily thrashing with his fists at the boom microphone over his head, cursing the "invisible toadstool elves that control my......shoe......polish....and such......"

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The Official Opposition Canadian Alliance, long rumoured to be a champion of the "grassroots," has decided to change its name yet again.

Originally known as the Reform Party, the party changed its name to the Canadian Conservative Reform Alliance Party (CCRAP) in 1999. Realizing that their new name was err….a tad scatological, they briefly re-named themselves the Regional Alberta Rump Party (RARP), before becoming the Why Can't We Win a Seat East of Manitoba Party later in 1999 (WCWWASEOMP), the Screw Ottawa Party (SOP) in early 2000, and the Canadian Alliance later that year. What exactly they were allied with, nobody's sure.

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Iraqi dictator "Saddam Hussein" took to the airwaves of Iraqi state television to reassure Iraqis that "victory over the foreign aggressors is imminent."

Added Hussein, in his brief address: "I have temporarily forgotten how to speak Arabic, but I can assure you, I really am Saddam Hussein."

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As 'Operation Iraqi Freedom' got underway, U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld indicated that there were five countries, give or take a couple, that didn't want to be named on the list of the Coalition of the Coerced. A copy of the "unnamed" countries was released to media outlets today.....

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