Issue 1
Mother Plans to Leave Child Outside in Cold Weather Overnight
Incestuous Canadian Television Industry to Add 11th Actor
Government Worker Has Already Begun Countdown to Weekend

Issue 2
Alliance MP to Leave Parliament to Return to Bear Wrestling
Furtado Completely Baffled by Cockburn's Speech
Montreal Canadiens to Auction Off 1916 Stanley Cup for Birth in 2001 Playoffs

Issue 3
Pretentious, Self-Important Toronto Man Outraged that he cannot get Service in Swedish at GTA Ikea
An Enthusiastic Michael McMurdo Demonstrates his New Commitment to Healthy Drinking
Friends, Family Fear Maestro Fresh Wes has Financial Planner Syndrome
Premier Landry Reveals New Techniques of Persuasion for Quebec Sovereignty Movement
Liberal MP Tom Wappel Leaves Marxist to bleed to death on the Street
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 3
Disease of the Week
The Glebite
Pseudo-Intellectual Yoga, Golf and Spirituality Tips

Issue 4
$40 Million Dollar Corrections Canada Study Reveals: Prisoners are Depressed
Cracker Jacks to Offer Province of Ontario Driver's Licences as 'Prize in every bag'
Dude Confident that Weekly Late Night Radio Show on Campus Station will lead to Big Things
Canadian Tour Veteran Parlays Unprecedented Winnings into Purchase of Super Size Meal at Wendy's
School Children Baffled on Field Trip to Quebec
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 4
Disease of the Week
The Glebite
Pseudo-Intellectual Yoga, Golf and Spirituality Tips

Issue 5
Nanaimo Announces Plans to Build World's Largest Bong
Author Mortimer Richter Hoping Richler's Passing Will Lead to an Increase in his Sales
Ottawa to Get Yet Another Bush League Team No One Will Care About
Latest Poll Results: Canadian Alliance soars past Marxist-Leninist, Natural Law Party
Statistics Canada Announces Annual List of the Top Five Pseudo-Intellectual Expressions in Canada -- Machiavellian tops again
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 5
A Word from our Labrador City Bureau Chief
The Glebite
All Ages Concert Reviews

Issue 6
A Hammer Special Report: CPAC Watched
Halifax Man Has Third Testicular Exam of the Week
Toronto's 'Little Liechtenstein' is Bigger than Actual Liechtenstein
Blink 182 Despondent Over New Album's Poor Review in North Bay Nugget
Alexei Yashin Signs Lucrative New Contract, Immediately Makes Plans for Next Holdout
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 6
There is only one way to Skin a Cat
The Glebite
Tuba Talk

Issue 7
Naked Man Unable to Find Work
Manitoba Legislator Responsible for Hate Crimes Legislation Desperately Waiting for Hate Crime to Occur
Chinese Government Announces Moratorium on Jaywalking Executions During 2008 Olympics
Ottawa Citizen Editor Need New asfergb w276gxe
Cool, Chilly Day We Had a Couple of Months Back Convinces President Bush that Global Warmin' is Nothing but a Hoax
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 7
There Isn't Much Demand for The Pursuit of Happiness Tribute Bands These Days
The Glebite
The Malls of Quebec City Sure Are Terrific!

Issue 8
Nike to Sponsor Latest Round of Middle East Peace Talks
Poster Removed from Telephone Pole; Order Restored to Society
Ellesmere Island Rocked by Powerful Earthquake
Canadian Satirical and Comedy Writers Mobilize; Beg Stockwell Day to Remain in Politics
Canadian Track Athlete Nearing Completion of World Championship 10,000 Meter Race
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 8
I'm Really Autistic
The Glebite
Drink Like a Man

Issue 9
Government of Madagascar Overthrown in Bloodless Haiku d'Etat
Visa Makes Plans to Launch Credit Cards for Kids
Lobbyist Can't Find T ime to Move Bowels
Man Prepares Press Lines, Briefing Material for Girlfriend's Meeting with Parents
Protest Trivializes Eight Different Tragedies
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 9
The 'Internet' Will Revolutionize E-Commerce
The Glebite
I'm Really Autistic

Issue 10
Money to Buy Happiness
Quebec Now Sovereign: Landry Calls Snap Referendum on September 13
Canada to Contribute BeaverTails(R) to Global Anti-Terrorist Coalition
Canoe Marathoner Confesses: "Hudson Bay is a lot Bigger that I Thought"
Hooters Waitress Tired of Being Objectified
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 10
The 'Internet' Will Revolutionize E-Commerce
The Glebite
There Sure Were a Lot of Hot Chicks at that Thing on Parliament Hill a Couple of Weeks Back

Issue 11
Canada At War (Well...Sort of)
Joe Clark and Chuck Strahl Engage in Unity Talks with Northern Alliance
Striking Members of Bike Couriers' Union Refusing to Shower Until Demands Met
Federal Government to Phase Out All Translation Services; To Use AltaVista Babel fish from now on
Styrofoam Mine To Close
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 11
I Will Give You 20 per cent of my Love
The Glebite
Why do You Have to Go to University to be a Doctor?

Issue 12
Canada At War Part 2 - (Well...Sort of)
CBC Programming Wins Big at Mongolian Emmys
Controversial New Anti-Spontaneous Combustion Drug Enters Canadian Market
Harris Announces Paving Over of Canadian Side of Lake Ontario as Part of 401 Expansion
Moncton Man Makes Sixth Attempt at Reading Manufacturing Consent
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 12
I'm Not an Alcoholic, I'm Just Satirizing Alcoholic Behaviour
The Glebite
The Glebite

Issue 13
New Federal Nutbar Registry to Facilitate Canadians' Access
Climate Change Conference Produces 1.3 Million Tonnes of Greenhouse Gases
Harvey's Backlogged Until 2014
Fraternity Member's Sexuality Comes into Question After Animated Karaoke Rendition of 'Let's Hear it for the Boy'
Celine Dion Records New Album to Celebrate Retirement
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 13
Did I Just Hit Something?
The Glebite
I Can't Believe I'm Worth Only 500 Stinkin' Bucks

Issue 14
Ottawa Struck by Yogic Violence Once More
Reserved, Tee Totaling Newfie Disappoints Co-Workers
Non-Accredited University of Smiths Falls to Offer New Program in Tallywhacker Studies
National Catch Phrase Institute Convenes in Montreal
German Couple Plans Daytrip Across Canada
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 14
All right, so who is the real Miss Nude Canada?
The Glebite
My Mask Would be so Cool if I Were an NHL Goalie

Issue 15
Buy Nothing Day a Smashing Success in Angola
It's Now Official: Every Bar in Ottawa is Faux-Irish
Outraged Community Demands Crackdown, Answers after Teen's Ecstasy-Related Death
Federal Government Announces Closure of Alan Thicke Media Monitoring Unit
Man Refuses to Let Best Friend See Apartment
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 15
Underwater basket weaving is not as easy as you think
The Glebite
I hope Weird Al Yankovic Appreciates the Pain and Suffering He Brought to George Harrison

Issue 16
Olympic Ball Hockey Team Named
Insufferable Relative Makes Plans for Annual Christmas Assault on Family
Unbalanced, Unfair, Downright Spiteful Legislation Becomes Law
Toronto Woman Sets Record, Being Subject of Eight Different W-Five Scam Stories
President Bush Unable to Rip Up ABM Treaty
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 16
The Xylophone Network Will Revolutionize Xylophone-Oriented Broadcasting
The Glebite
The Angry Albertan
** Canadian Hockey Association **

Issue 17
The Nature of Things to get Makeover
Saskatchewan Man Celebrates 20 Years of Masturbation
Federal Ethics Commissioner to Move into Basement of 24 Sussex
Thunder Bay Man Fighting for Life after Lapsing into Helix-Induced Coma
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 17
Apply for a Government Job and Win a 36-Inch Television, a New Car, or even your Dream Home with Recruitment Extravaganza 2002!
The Glebite
Could you sit down please?

Issue 18
Mel Lastman Humiliates Self
Hornepayne Man Has Unique, Stupid Hobby
Olympic Men's Hockey Tournament to be Played on Paper
CBC Launches Bureaucrats
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 18
Disease of the Week
Dear Dr. Bruce

Issue 19
Golden Jubilee, 2002: Queen Elizabeth - 50 Years of Occupying Space
Activist Upset He's Not Detained at Border
Non-Lingual Man Wins Supreme Court Discrimination Challenge
Frat Members Unanimously Agree: "David Wilcox Really Sucks Since He Stopped Drinking"
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 19
Disease of the Week
The Glebite

Issue 20
Lenin Wins Olympic Gold in Men's Figure Skating
Aspiring Joke Makes Its Way to Big City
Olympic wrap-up
99 Per Cent of Canadians Don't Give Two Shits about Liberal Party's Membership Rules
The Hammer Cartoon
Dear Dr. Bruce
The Glebite

Issue 21
Wascana Man in Static Shocker
Duceppe Brazenly Defies 'Buy First, Read Later' Sign at Airport Magazine Shop
A thehammer.ca Investigative Report: B.C. City Allegedly Under Investigation for Violating Federal Horton Statute
Six Dead, Dozens Injured in Truly Hostile Takeover Bid
The Hammer Cartoon
Snowmobiling Safety Tips
Random Typings with Merv Jeacle

Issue 22
Herb Gray's Retirement Party a Raucous Affair
Slovenian Ambassador: "Would Somebody Emigrate to Slovenia, Dammit?"
The Pierre E. Trudeau Memorial Debt Closer to Realization
Couple Disappointed Upon Visit to Big Apple
The Hammer Cartoon
Random Typings with Merv Jeacle
Breakfast Deliberations: I Love Commas, by Rex Murphy

Issue 23
Air Canada To Begin Using Stand-Up Comics at Airports
Newfoundland's Only Swing Club Goes Out of Business
French Government Introduces Finishing Schools for Mistresses
New Canadian Cancer Society President Vows to Find Cure in the Next Six Months or Double Your Money Back
The Hammer Cartoon
TheHammer.ca Celebrity Chef Corner:
The Glebite

Issue 24
McDonald's to Begin Accepting Nortel Shares
NDP Introduces 'Getting Hit by a Car to Better Know Canadians'
Ottawa Senators in Pursuit of Peter Forsberg's Spleen
Canada Wordmark Converts Man to Federalism
The Hammer Cartoon
Random Typings
Trucker's Diary

Issue 25
Small Software Company Develops Chritien Translation Software
Female University Students Prepare for Summer Job Creep-Out Season
CHRÉTIEN VS. MARTIN OTTAWA UNDER SIEGE !
Chrétien Cleans House; Shuffles Out Entire Cabinet Manley Now Minister-At-Large
The Hammer Cartoon
The Shopping Malls of Rome are Euro-Terrific!
Random Typings

Issue 26
Delegation from Degrassi Junior High Continues to Negotiate Peace Between India, Pakistan
Company Unveils 'Meat-8'
U.S. Apologizes for Accidental Bombing of Eastern Hemisphere
Ironic Moustache Misconstrued
The Hammer Cartoon
The Sex in that Pornographic Film was Rather Gratuitous
Learn French - The Hammer Way!

Issue 27
Ontario's Guide Dogs 'Walkees' the Picket Lines
'Hot Nuts' Create Furore
Jesus Confronts Pope in Toronto
Canada Wins 250 Medals at Canada Games
The Hammer Cartoon
Starbucks Poetry Corner
Random Typings

Issue 28
Scientists Discover 'Mall Tree'
Bush Orders New Round of Lewinsky Jokes
Bank of Canada: Loonie's Out, Toonie's In
Government Workers Decide on Last Tuesday's Lunch
The Hammer Cartoon
There's Nothing Trivial About Trivia

Issue 29
New Brunswick, Canada's Drive-Through Province
Feds Announce 'Money East' Campaign
Struggling Cape Breton Cemetery Hires Marketing Director
Anti-Finland League Decries Growing Finlandization of Maritimes
The Hammer Cartoon
Icons of Atlantic Canada Culture Series thehammer.ca salutes: Bud the Spud
Trucker's Diary

Issue 30
Decapitated Hockey Player Mulls Comeback
Cherry Named Ontario Human Rights Commissioner
Functionally Illiterate High School Dropouts Promote Literacy
Fantasy Hockey Fanatic Has Girl-Kissing Fantasy
Leafs Sign Sniper
The Hammer Cartoon
You Skate Like a Girl
Hockey is a 60 Minute Game

Issue 31
Earthquake, Tidal Wave Knocks Out Cable For Millions
Iraq to Allow Return of Hooter Inspectors
Chrétien Changes Name to a Symbol
Thanksgiving Holiday Gives Smug Vegetarians Yet Another Opportunity to Exude Superiority Over Family Members
The Hammer Cartoon
Random Typings
I Totally Understand If You Want To Leave Me For That Guy Who Just Screeched His Tires

Issue 32
Ottawa Crowd Goes Wild at Concert
Lobby Lobby Lobbies for More Lobbies
Mysterious Yellow Substance Emanates from Hypochondriac's Penis
Spinster Aunt Announces Birthday, Christmas Gift Cutbacks
The Hammer Cartoon - Issue 32
N.R.A. Birdwatching Tips Billy Bob Courouge
The Teleprompter's Broke

Issue 33
Government OK's Bank Machine Merger
U.S. Signs Deal with Tupperware to Seal Border
Lesser-Known Gretzky the Gretzky of Photocopying
Man of Moderate Intelligence Aware of the Affairs of Both the Local Sports Team AND Political Events
The Hammer Cartoon
The PC Thugs Have Officially Taken Over
You Won't Need Many Shopping Bags in Baghdad

Issue 34
Tension Building Between Twain, Midriff
Community Leaders Examine Why Young People Are Leaving Their Shithole Of A Dead-End Town
Montreal Thanks Jesus for Support; Edmonton Attributes Grey Cup Loss to Affiliation with Satan
Asian Sweatshop Workers Demand Augusta National Golf Club Allow Women Members
The Hammer Cartoon
RETRO: There Isn't Much Demand for The Pursuit of Happiness Tribute Bands These Days
RETRO: I'm Not an Alcoholic, I'm Just Satirizing Alcoholic Behaviour

Issue 35
TheHammer.ca's Holiday Gift Guide
Poll Shocker: 68 Per Cent of Canadians Can't Name Our First President
Alberta Government Launches Aggressive New Kyoto Blows Campaign
Proposed Decriminalization of Marijuana Prompts Indifference Among Canadian Stoners; Most Shocked to Discover Pot Still Illegal
The Hammer Cartoon
The Glebite
Public Transit Needs to Address the Needs of Me

Issue 36
New Program to Give Rest of Canada Much-Needed Toronto Perspective
Martin Supporters Raid Prime Ministerial Snack Cabinet
Drunk Santa Arrested for DWI on Christmas Eve Disgraced Claus Forced to Use Operation Red Nose
First Idiot of Winter Drives His Snowmobile Through Ice
The Hammer Cartoon
I Have Found the Perfect Radio Station, by Rex Murphy
I'm a Mid-Range, 65,000 to 190,000 Resident City Kind of Guy

Issue 37
Backbench MPs Demand Eight Bucks an Hour
Report: UN Inspectors Apparently Discover Thousands of Pencils of Mass Destruction in Iraq
Canada to be Moved to South Pacific
Campus Radio Host Offends Colleagues, Audience With Non-Obscure Song Selection
The Hammer Cartoon
Where are the Shit Jokes in the Movies of Woody Allen?
Random Typings

Issue 38
Pettigrew Suffering From Split End
Yukon Journalists Demand News
Jackson Elevated From High Nutbar to Severe Wackjob
Monty Python Poster Announces Accountant's "Quirky" Sense of Humour
The Hammer Cartoon
Saskatoon: The Caesar Salad Capital of the World!
Our Cult Cares About the Little Guy

Issue 39
Gravel Hill Launches Olympic Bid
Radical Poets Urge U.S. to Invade Iraq, Hold Pro-War Poetry Reading
Bush to U.S. Deficit: "Reduce Yourself, or Face the Consequences"
Lou Bega Set to Release Much-Anticipated Mambo #6
The Hammer Cartoon
Paul Martin's Daily Planner
Are You Recognizable to Someone Outside of Your Family? The Conservative Party Wants You!
** Gravel Hill Official 2010 Olympic Bid Web Site **

Issue 40
Heroic Journalist Infantry Captures Key Iraqi Town
Boycott of U.S. Goods Lasts Seven Minutes
Chrétien Shocks House With Repeated Insistence Canada Is "Sovereign" Country
Democracy Continues to Rain Down Over Baghdad
Mansbridge Snaps
Canadian Alliance Changes Name Again
"Saddam" Addresses Iraqi People
"Unnamed" Members of Coalition Revealed

Special 2003 Juno Edition
Classical Album of the Year Nominees Brawl, Have to Be Separated
North Bay Thanks Ottawa for Corel Centre's Location, Subsequent Spike in City's Hotel Business
Alanis Looking Forward to Visiting Ottawa: "I hear it's a very nice city"
Snow Unable to Convince Anyone He's Actually Nominated for Juno
Ottawa's Independent Musicians Ready to Be Ignored Again
Avril Lavigne's Nomination For Songwriter of the Year Symbolizes End of Human Sentience; Reportedly Damages Time-Space Continuum

Issue 41
Researchers Uncover Roll-Up-The-Rim-To-Win Affective Disorder
Quebec Election 2003: Charest Accused of "Trying to Get Votes"
Cornwall Changes Official Language to Cornish
Air Canada: "We Will Emerge From Bankruptcy Stronger, More Capable of Providing Crappy Service Than Ever Before"
Disease of the Week with Tennis Elbow Jones
A Hammer Photo Journal- The Making of Issue 41

Issue 42
Controversial New "Big Box" Funeral Multi-National Opens First Canadian Outlet
Canada Book Week, 2003: Canadians Ordered to Read Novel as Part of National Book Club
Sheila Copps Secures Key Canadian Needlepoint Association Endorsement
Toronto Maple Leafs Season Recap, 2002-2003: 300,000 Turn Out for Leafs' "We Made it to Game Seven of the First Round" Parade in Toronto
Tucker, Corson to Star in Trailer Park Boys: The Movie
Leafs Praise Officials for Job Well Done
The Glebite
Homeless People Totally Dig Me, I Think

Issue 43
Ontario Government Takes Aggressive Stance Against West Nile Virus
56-Year-Old Insurance Salesman Declares Eligibility for NBA Draft
Discovery of New Marine Species Gives East Coast Fisherman Something New to Fish Into Extinction
Thehammer.ca welcomes its newest sponsor, Dave Little Orgy Consultants
Hammer Inc. Makes Yet another Media Acquisition in Labrador; Bold Convergence Strategy Continues Unabated
We Should Get Together Some Time for Stilted Small Talk
The Angry Albertan

Issue 44
Paul Martin Continues To Have Big Booger in Nose No One Has Courage to Tell Him
A Visit with Earl Earle of Owen Sound, Ontario: The Only Person in Canada Who Does NOT Have the Order of Canada
A thehammer.ca Investigative Report: Ottawa City Councillor Accepting "Salary"
B.C. Man Wins National Beat-Yourself-Up Championship For Third Consecutive Year
I'm an Avid Novel Starter
Random Typings

Issue 45
The Buford McGraw School of Small Talk Development!
HAMMERADE ATHLETIC PERFORMANCE BEER Both Hydrates and Intoxicates!!!
Crazy Bob's Discount Yoga Gives You Enlightenment for Less!
Rent-a-Kid Is There for all of Your Kid Renting Needs