Thehammer.ca welcomes its newest sponsor, Dave Little Orgy Consultants
|The Personal Touch: Dave
Little, President and Founder of Dave Little Orgy Consultants: "I
can meet all of your orgy needs."
Orgies have changed a lot since their initial heyday in the 1970's. There's
a lot more to consider than just getting a loose circle of friends and
acquaintances together for group sex like in the old days, according to
Dave Little, President and CEO of Dave Little Orgy Consultants, headquarted
"Many of my clients have come to me because of unforeseen problems
that they've encountered in their orgies," said Little, a licensed
and registered orgy coordinator with the Group Sex Planning Association
of Canada (GSPAC). "They think it's as simple as it used to be back
in their 20's, until boom-someone breaks their hip. Then what do you do?
"My special routines and stretching exercises allow for the mature
resident to pull off their orgy pain and injury-free, even if it's their
first one since the Trudeau era."
The group sex consultant says that as our population ages, people are
looking for more gentle, laid back affairs. "These people just don't
have the same drive and energy as they did during their cocaine-addled
youth," said Little from his offices in Ottawa's fashionable Byward
Market. "In the old days, they might have been go, go go, but the
ravages of time and gravity have now taken hold."
While they specialize in clients who are 50 plus, Dave Little Orgy Consultants
can design orgies tailor-made to the needs of any group of consenting
adults, regardless of age. Said Little: "Our clients range in age
from 25 to 93."
Little, whose prior job history includes a stint as an investment banker
in Toronto and an accordian tuner with the Kitchener Symphony Orchestra,
got into the orgy planning business when he was looking for a career change.
"I wanted to come back to my hometown of Ottawa and give something
back to the community," waxed a nostalgic Little. It was upon his
return to the nation's capital in 1988 that he noticed a serious lack
of qualified orgy planners, so he decided to throw caution to the wind
and take the GSPAC exam. "I aced it, but I crammed like crazy,"
laughed the successful entrepeneur.
The rest, as they say, is history. The company has built itself into
the largest orgy planning organization in all of Canada, with offices
in every major Canadian city, except for Smiths Falls, where local laws
prohibit it. "It's amazing what we've been able to accomplish in
such a reatively short amount of time," gushed Little. "Sometimes
I have to stop and pinch myself."
Little says that people expect more today when they go to an orgy, and
that's why his business is there to help. "Just throwing your car
keys in a jar and whipping your clothes off doesn't cut it anymore."
People expect some planning, like music to set the mood or capture the
vibe, (no Iron Maiden, folks) differing themes, such as Caligula night
or "City Council" night, where participants begin the evening
pretending they're at a city council meeting ("that one's really
big among people in Ottawa," said Little) and appropriate partnering.
Just because it's an orgy, there's an assumption that anyone will go
with anyone, but some people are just not compatible. Explained Little:
"There is often an awkwardness among orgyites with regards to pairing
up with partners. You want to make sure that nobody feels left out, which
isn't always easy without professional help."
Little and his team are also there to help with participants who become
withdrawn and/or nervous when the big event takes place. "In the
industry, we call it 'orgy chill.' Myself and my associates are here to
comfort all orgy participants, and work them through their anxiety, so
that they may fully enjoy their orgy."
You might pay a little more to get a Dave Little orgy, but he says it's
worth it. "In this business, you get what you pay for-I invite people
to shop around with other orgy consultants, then try us. When you compare
the value you get for the money you pay to other, more run-of-the-mill
outfits, you'll realize that our services are worth every penny,"
The company's founder pointed out that all of his consultants are selected
with great care and are all Dave Little-approved and sanctioned by GSPAC.
"I don't just hire anybody off the street. My consultants are representing
the Dave Little brand, which symbolizes orgy excellence in Canada. They
are carefully screened and must undergo rigourous examinations before
they can join the Dave Little team."
Little says that his company does such a good job, he sometimes gets
invited to join in by clients. "As tempting as it may seem, that
wouldn't be right. My team and I are consummate professionals," claimed
"Now, in my leisure time away from work, then it's a different story."